Everyone wants to touch the baby, especially during the pregnancy, but doesn’t it seem like nobody asks before touching? If you haven’t noticed yet, the minute you start to show a pregnant tummy, everyone else will gladly reach out their hands to show you how big your belly is. The tummy becomes this magical, super powerful magnet for hands, and everyone wants to handle it. It doesn’t matter if you are walking around in a store, sitting down in a restaurant, or walking on your own street – someone is bound to start rubbing their grimy hands all over it and driving you crazy.
You aren’t the only one that is being driven nuts by this either – take a look at your husband. Sure, he seems like a trooper, but, deep inside, he’s probably ready to put someone’s lights out. Talk with your husband, and see how he feels. Even if you don’t personally mind, he might not like other men’s hands all over your belly. He may not care if it is a female touching your body, but he can mind very much about a man touching you. Think about how you would feel if you saw some woman rubbing her hands all over your husband’s chest. Maybe the two of you can come to an agreement – after all do you have to let everyone touch the baby?
Your belly, clothed or not, is a personal space; sure, there is someone intruding inside you, but that person inside is very welcome. But to actually touch someone else’s belly, one should ask before they do it, and then kindly respect your answer. If you don’t want them to touch it, just tell them. While some women don’t mind all the attention, there are other women that don’t want their bellies touched; much less do they want their bellies showing for the whole world to see. Maybe they’ve gained 10 pounds, and they feel conscious enough about it, or they could be a very private person. There is nothing wrong with either at all.
Children may also want to touch your pregnant belly; usually, it’s because they know someone that has had a baby recently who permitted them to do that. If you don’t like it, let them know. If you don’t mind them touching your belly, you may at least want to hold their hand and place it gently on your belly. Children tend to get excited, and they can actually smack the belly when they are trying to reach for it.
Forget about the soft and smooth rubbing of the belly for a moment; be careful that you don’t get the person that likes to poke at it. Poking at your belly can hurt more than anything, and most of the time “belly pokers” just don’t get it. Try explaining to them as nicely as you can that it really does hurt. They may only be doing it because they want to see the baby move, and, when you jump, they just think it is part of the pregnancy reaction. If you let them know how painful it really is, in the future, they may think twice before doing it again to you or anyone else.
If nothing else seems to work, and you’ve been polite in letting people know that your belly is off limits, feel free to launch your husband onto them or even start shooing and swatting. You’ve already given fair warning. You’ve got every right to defend yourself – including your pregnancy belly. Don’t feel bad if you smack a person that lifts up your shirt in broad daylight either. This is a normal reaction, and people should really think twice before doing it. They wouldn’t do it if you weren’t pregnant.
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m sorry, I just don’t get it. My wife is pregnant, and we don’t go nuts when people want to touch her belly. The people who touch it are simply amazed that she has a living child in there. It’s endearing.
With all due respect, those of you who get upset about it probably need to chill out. You probably take yourselves too seriously and get bent out of shape about quite a bit in life.
Embrace the miracle that is your pregnancy, and let others share in the marvel.
If you still can’t wrap your mind around what I’m saying, spend some money on good therapy.
First point: No one would let another person touch your stomach without permission (its quite an intimate area for women if you think about what is near it) – why should pregnant women be forced to accept such intimate touches then? It is still OUR body and we are still the ones who get to decide what happens to it.
Tom. Simply put. You’re a man, You don’t have the right to tell women to chill out when they’re pregnant. When you get pregnant, then you have a right to comment but until then only pregnant women have the right to comment on how WE choose to react to people violating our personal space without prior permission.
Second point: Tummy touching is highly personal and if people don’t want to be touched then they should be supported by those around them in refusing such attentions. The only point I would make is that some people do it without thinking and there are many polite ways of refusing attention and highlighting the inappropriate nature of the touching to those who insist on doing it. Of course it is only inappropriate if the women herself does not give permission.
Why do we insist on all pregnant women following the same rules – why can we not simply say that they are able to do what feels comfortable and natural to them? Why do we keep refusing women control of their own lives and bodies?
Go Whitney!
EXCELLENT point Whitney!! I’m 24 weeks now and thankfully I haven’t had this problem yet with random people coming up to touch my belly, but I dread it. The only people that are allowed to touch my belly is family, friends, and the medical team in charge with taking care of me and my little one. Anyone else needs to ask permission. I don’t understand why some people think it’s okay to touch someone else’s body without permission. I understand that they’re happy for me, but keep your hands to yourself. I’m one of those people that if you do something that upsets me, it will show in my face, and eventually in my voice.
Hi there
Im 12 weeks pregnant (1st pregnancy) and i have developed a total aversion to anyone (apart from my husband) touching me or my stomach. If my husband touches my tummy and talks to the baby im very happy but if my mom or sister even touch my tummy it makes me mad as a raging bull (although, thankfully, iv managaed not to show anyone my irritation). I cant tolerate my husbands 3year old nephew because he is a bit wild and is constantly hitting people, including me. Ive actually developed a mild hatred for him and i want to cause him serious harm for coming near my unborn baby in his violent manner.
I dont know what to do, i havent spoken to anyone about this. Is it normal?
Go whitney!
All women are different, not all of us want our bodies on display like slices of biltong (it doesnt matter how good we look, we just dont want to be touched by anyone but our husbands, is that such an old fashioned concept that tom cant understand it?)
Perfectly normal, Kerisa. It’s our bodies, after all, and others “taking advantage” of us can easily tick us off (especially when our hormones are a bit off from normal as they are when we’re pregnant).
I agree with Whitney also! I have never been a touchy-feely type of person (even with my husband to an extent although he is a huge exception!!) and I am dreading all the touching that “comes with being pregnant”. I will probably allow my husband to touch but that is about it. My mother-in-law keeps saying that no matter what I say she will still rub my belly and just the thought of it makes me livid. I try to tell her that it will be totally off limits but she doesn’t get it. Some people just really hate to be touched like that and, unfortunately for my family, I am one of them! I will probably be one of those really mean pregnant ladies that swats people away and yells, but people really need to understand that no everyone likes being touched. I hate it. I also don’t understand the need for everyone to HAVE to touch a pregnant belly. Most of the time you can’t even feel anything except a big round belly and that isn’t anything special and the rubbing, poking, and touching doesn’t help either the mother or the baby!! So I would say just keep your hands to yourself unless you are openly encouraged to touch.
I think it should be up to the person. But, I also think we need to be careful
in how we say to the person if its ok or not to touch a pregnant woman bell’s. I never had a problem with people touching my belly, specially kids I’ve always loved when they did caressed my belly it always made me and my babies feel loved. So, I please asked new mommies their be kind and polite don’t be hatred your baby will sense that.
Its wrong plain and simple. You just dont do that kind of stuff.
To Tom. while it may be ok in your eyes and that of your wifes, as you can tell there are many that believe otherwise.
Its not their body, not their spouses/girlfriends, so there is no reason to do that.
For me I just say congratulations. And leave it at that
I am 20 weeks pregnant now, and luckily the only person who has tried to touch my belly without asking is my mother, but it still bothered me. I mean, it would be completely inappropriate to touch me like that if I weren’t pregnant, so why do people suddenly think that being pregnant makes it acceptable. Yes, that bump is her granddaughter, but it is MY belly and my personal space and I don’t appreciate it at all. I will be happy for her to hold the baby once she is born, but until then, hands off!
I completely agree, Janessa. It’s definitely my personal pet peeve!
I wouldn’t say I’m an affectionate person at all. I don’t do hugs when I see friends and I can be quite aloof, but I somehow don’t mind people touching my belly. It doesn’t happen often and it’s never been total strangers, but my friends and family will put their hands on my belly every now and again and I don’t mind at all – even from male friends. To me it’s like a tribal instinct where the whole community is concerned and involved in the new addition to the tribe. Even though it is my belly, the experience belongs to everyone who is involved in my life and who will be involved in my child’s life.
Other moms may feel different and it’s their right, but I don’t mind sharing this amazing experience that I am very fortunate to go through.
I’m still in the first trimester but I’m very much dreading this.
I don’t even want my family touching me without permission, let alone casual acquaintances or strangers. I’m not a freak, I like to hug people but this is an invasion of personal space that I will not be comfortable with and I am fully prepared to slap away any hands that wander.
I’m sure that there are lots of people out there that love the attention and welcome all feelers but that is their choice. I am not looking forward to any of the questioning/prodding/rubbing to come and will quite happily tell people if they’re overstepping boundaries.